Killing Me Softly


Yesterday was one of those days. Ok, not exactly YESTERDAY, but let’s say from 6 p.m. Thursday through 3 p.m. Friday I ate eight donuts. Now, not the real large donuts, but medium size. Why? Well I’ll give you the rationale, then tell you the truth.

Rationale: With donuts in the house, other people will eat them and they’re trying to lose weight too. I am helping them.

Rationale: They’re small donuts. Not much weight in them, they’re glazed, they don’t weigh much.

Rationale: I’m supposed to eat every two hours because I’m diabetic, so a donut or two every two hours is good for me.

Truth: I’m lazy.

I’d been hungry most of the day, and, admittedly, it was an easy fix. Can’t say it was I had a “craving” for sweets. Can’t say, I “longed” for donuts. I can say that I was hungry, and was too lazy to cook anything. So, a donut sufficed. Well, really, they’re small donuts, so two at a sitting would “take the edge off”.

I’m pathetic. Truly. I look back at that and think, “whats up with that?”. Lazy. Not in the zone. Backslid diet wise. Call it whatever. A bad day.

A wonderful elderly woman at my church, Betty, told Bonnie that I’m trying to kill myself. Am I? Do I have a deep desire to just give in and do whatever I want? Of course I do. And so do you.

We all do. It’s called a sin nature. We desire the things of the flesh and even though we know better, we continue to dive into activities that are not healthy for us. It used to be drugs and alcohol. For some people it’s porn. For others it’s stealing. For someone else it’s holding grudges. To another, it’s slander. Or to some it’s smoking. Or drugs and alcohol.

If I gave into my eating desires, I’d be “Sprinting to 300” instead of “Walking to 199”. We may stumble, but we are not defeated. You know what the kicker was with this whole donut incident? The thing that aggravated my wife, my kids, and church people?

I lost three pounds! I thought, “wow, I’m onto a secret. An all donut diet”. Of course that’s not true. It will catch up with me eventually, like every sin does. But God’s grace keeps me. There’s a quote that George Steinbrenner kept in his office and I’ll paraphrase it.

“I’ve been hit. I’ve been wounded. I’ve fallen down. So I will rest. I will rise. I will fight again”. Something like that. So that’s what life is all about. How cool if we never screwed up! But realistically, that’s what we do. We mess up. But with Christ, He is able to keep us from stumbling.

But we’ll stumble at times. And even though this was a bad stumble, the times between stumbles are becoming longer and longer. That’s progress. So we move forward.

Seriously, I don’t want to kill myself. There are too many people out there who have never had the pleasure of meeting me yet. People that I haven’t had a chance to irritate yet. People I haven’t had a chance to encourage.  Let’s do this.

Weight: 260.8


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